I am in prayer today for several of my little Angels who are very ill. Their moms at their side.

Today as I thumbed through a little chest that held some precious mementoes of Mother’s Day past from my beautiful boy, Ryan, I was reminded that once again I will have to find my way through another Mother’s day filled with tears and unbearable lonliness. I will watch as my sisters and friends celebrate the day with their children and grand children. I will manage a smile that covers the pain in my heart.

I will remember the sweetness of my baby with his blanket and pillow in hand, crawling into my lap and telling me to sing Elvis mommy, the smell of a dirty little sweaty boy as he gave me flowers picked from the yard, the voice of a young man telling me ” the Bear loves the moma” following with “can I. I will remember my beautiful healthy boy laying on a table as life drained from his body as I prayed for God to do what was best for him. The most unselfish prayer a mom could pray because I knew it meant Ryan would shortly leave me.

I closed the little chest and walked outside to the garden we planted in Ryan’s memory. There in a little small patch growing were the little white mums he gave me the last Mother’s Day we had together. I smiled because you see they were almost dead when he gave them to me. He was so tight with his money. My sisters said that day, “He probably got them from a dumpster.” It did not matter. They were from him.

As I bent down and picked one, used it to wipe the tears from my cheek, I was reminded that because of what we do as Angel advocate moms, other moms will have children who will be protected from vaccine preventable diseases. Their children will continue to bloom and grow just like the little mums in Ryan’s garden. Even 12 years later a sign from Ryan he is forever with me. He just lives in Heaven Two years ago my own mom joined him due to HIB pneumonia, another vaccine preventable disease.

Think of us all this Sunday and whisper a prayer for us. Though our hearts are broken we stand strong and fight for your children another day. Forgive us when we act a little crazy or we hide out for a few days or we cry over what others view as happy occasions. Forgive us if we seem to ramble own about our children. You see it is the way we remind ourselves why we tell our stories even though the pain is sometimes more than anyone can imagine and each time kills another piece of who we are.

Stay strong my Angel moms together we will stop deadly vaccine preventable disease. Our children did not die or suffer in vain.